Against my better judgment, I tweeted about the divorce of Kim Kardashian to Kris Humphries earlier today. I’m hoping that you as my reader don’t know who they are, so here’s the gist: 17 million dollar, reality-star, Hollywood wedding ends in 72 days.
Why “against my better judgment”? because, for the most part, these Hollywood marriages don’t pan out well and often make a mockery of God’s most cherished human “institution” – the husband and the wife. And because of this, I can become cynical and facetious about it – which happened, of course. Here’s what I tweeted:
Kim’s last name gave it away: Kardashian. No marriage is safe when a spouse has “Kar”, “dash”, & a big “I” in their last name
I thought it was cleverly funny, but I may have been wrong. (Happens often.) As indicated by my twitter follower’s (
@Sego1gp) keen response, Ms. Kim “didn’t choose her surname”. She’s right (and thank you), but I do see something here:
(Let me apologize ahead of time to those who may dislike my allegory and the use of “Kardashian” to bring out my proceeding points. I am aware that it’s unfair especially that there are other Kardashians who are doing well in their marriage thus far; but please, please humor me for just this time.)
3 reasons you can know you or someone you know is not ready for marriage.
1. You have an escape plan.
If you have a “KAR” or car that is waiting for you when you’ve had enough (in this case 72 days), this is a strong indication of your lack of commitment to your marriage. An escape plan gives one a license to retreat, surrender, or forfeit. Your marriage does not have the chance of surviving when the challenges and struggles begin to occur (which it inevitably does), if you have an escape plan.
In order for marriage to work there must be a Napoleonic approach to it: burn the ships down so that there is no way out.
2. You find reasons to leave rather than stay.
(This point ties in with point number 1.) If you are looking to “DASH” on your marriage or find fault or reason to leave, guess what? you’ll find it. With so many differences between two different people from: gender, age, ethnicity, culture, tastes, attitudes, habits, hobbies, choice of where to live or what to eat – you name it; there are multiplicity of reasons to be at odds with each other. And there is no shortage in reasons to be apart. Marriage is challenging. Ease, comfort, and enjoyment does not happen accidentally in marriage. It takes time, intention and a made up mind. A made up mind can hardly be swayed.
In order for a marriage to work, your reasons to stay must outweigh your reasons to leave. And your vows should be reason enough.
3. You have an un-checked ego.
A big “I” in marriage will not work! If you’re in it for selfish reasons and not for your love for another, then it’s all wrong. As much as people would like us to believe that hate is the opposite of love, I believe in marriage selfishness is. Selfishness eats up what love gives up. Sacrifice, expressed by self denial, is foundational for a healthy marriage: your comfort for the other’s and your burden for their ease.
In order for a marriage to work, you must check, more so, chuck, that is, get rid of your ego before you get to the altar. Because, as
@TWH_PhD said, “Marriage involves SACRIFICE – that’s why the ceremony is performed at the ALTAR.”
All jokes aside, you don’t need an elaborate wedding to have a magnificent marriage. What has happened to Ms. Kim and Mr. Kevin is unfortunate, though not shocking, but was preventable. A proper approach to marriage can lead anyone into happily, daily after.