How often have you been disappointed because of mis-expectations? You know, your spouse said something that you thought meant something else, leading you to expect something that never came. How about ingrained belief systems regarding marriage/relationship that your spouse never grew up believing or, worse yet, never even knew existed? Frustrating, right? You guys are not alone.
Most conflicts in marriage originate from expectations not met or unknown. Here’s a list of expectations (or should I say, DON’T expectations):
1. Don’t expect what you haven’t expressed and explained. Don’t expect your spouse to know what’s in your head if it had not been said.
2. Don’t expect a full-time marriage if you have part-time commitment. Don’t expect 100% engagement when you have a 50-50 arrangement.
3. Dont expect your marriage to be happily, ever after if you don’t work on it daily, ever after. Dont expect to run from responsibility and end up happy.
4. Dont expect submission unless there is sacrifice; honor unless there is homage. Dont expect him to be your prince if you’re behaving like a witch. Dont expect her to be your princess unless you’re willing to be her hero. Dont expect a good wife unless you treat her like a fine lady. Dont expect a man when you treat him like a boy; a father when you treat him like a son.
5. Dont expect a fairy tale ending unless you’re willing to fight monsters, scale mountains, etc. Dont expect to build a strong house unless you’re willing to build a strong spouse.
6. Dont expect awesome if your attitude is awful. Dont expect sweet kisses when you have a sour tongue. Dont expect a float parade if you can’t calm your floating tirade. Dont expect a hot bed when you have a heated bedroom. Keep your bedroom as a sanctuary not a boxing ring.
7. Dont expect longevity unless you are long on integrity. Dont expect a clean marriage when you have a dirty life.
8. Dont expect a warm spouse if you have a cold shoulder. Dont expect your spouse to praise you publicly when you degrade him/her privately. Dont expect forward progress when you can only see you’re right.
9. Dont expect a love machine unless you’ve put in oil and gas in the engine: Sow-Reap! Dont expect an aromatic kitchen unless you’re scratching what’s been itching. Dont expect a lover if you treat your spouse like a pimp or a prostitute: not money or body, it’s about heart and soul.
10. Dont expect to dream together unless you’re sleeping with each other. Dont expect to be received until you’ve given up the feelings of being rejected. Dont expect business in the bedroom unless you keep business in the boardroom.
11. Dont expect love to be fair cause then it’d be called justice. Love is sacrifice. Dont expect love to be easy cause then it’d be called …. o wait, nothing’s easy.
Sometimes it is the feelings of disappointments that do us in, but, as I previously blogged (here), if both of you take the time together to asses your marriage and express what you both would like to see improved, that may cure the disappointments (or, at least, soften the blow). If you are patient about the turn around (the time it takes for your spouse to acclimate to the expectations), you just may find your fulfillment. More often than not, spoken and unspoken expectations can be the difference between happiness and despair. And remember, you can’t expect a happily ever after if you don’t work on happily, daily after.
Hope you enjoyed! :-). All the above “Don’t Expect”ations were my tweets for #ThoughtfulThursdays. Join the conversation every Thursday on twitter @SpeakOfMarriage with the same hashtag.
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