In 1983 the “Four Tops” recorded “I Believe In You And Me,” a song written by Sandy Linzer and David Wolfer. It never reached the top 40 then (though it’s still being sung today) and I fear that it’s the same in some marriages – couples don’t see believing in each other to be that significant. Faith in our spouse, his/her ability to do their part well, is detrimental to the health of our marriages. Believing in “you and me” should not just break the top 40, it should be one of the three most important exercise in your marriage.
Let’s speak of believing:
1. Believing in your spouse can mean the difference between marital happiness or misery.
Especially in new marriages, there are times when confidence in one’s ability to be “that” man or woman come under fire. During this time, your husband/wife can become recluse and reactive – making your marriage run rough. This is not the time to tell her/him how inept they are; this is the time to express to them your undying belief in their abilities. A loving reminder that you proposed/accepted marriage because you believed in them is a must. The joy of marriage is connected to your faith in each other.
2. Your belief in your spouse can be strong enough to bring the best out of him/her.
I think there is nothing worst than having the person that matters to you the most believe in you the least. No matter if the rest of your spouse’s circle believe in his/her ability to do the difficult things, your lack of faith can make your spouse feel like a loser. Yet the converse is true. If you believe in your spouse, more often than not, it doesn’t matter if others disbelieve – your belief in them may become the impetus to rise to any occasion. In times of weakness, give them the courage to pursue to be better by expressing your belief in them.
3. Your spouse’s sense of importance is connected to your belief in him/her.
Having the grace to make your spouse feel important is one of the best tools you can use to build your marriage; believing is the foundry by which you develop that. Take the time to speak to your spouse how you believe in him/her and why. Don’t be disingenuous; you are married, they can tell if your sincere or not. When you tell your spouse, “I believe in you,” don’t follow it with, “Don’t disappoint me” because instead of expressing faith, you are expressing doubt. Let your spouse know you believe in your relationship and your God-ordained union – sincerely.
4. What you believe your spouse is capable of doing or becoming often becomes reality.
A positive, sincere belief in your spouse can lead to trust, confidence, energy, joy, and all things nice while a negative belief builds anger, gloom, complexes, discouragement, and possible marital collapse. Belief builds. Belief can also destroy. The result depends on what you believe. So build and refuse to destroy. Your spouse will soar and so will your marriage if you believe positively. Believe in their love. Believe in their fidelity. Believe in your marriage to last. And intentionally express it publicly. Don’t be a closet believer: confess your belief, be open about it to anyone and everyone, do it consistently and often.
Lastly, though not the least:
5. Your belief in your spouse after they’ve made a mistake will determine the length and wellness of your marriage.
There will be times of disappointments because we’re all human, but believing is not about perfection it’s about perfecting (growing and maturing). Both you and your spouse have the ability to make mistakes. (The earlier you accept that, the better you will handle it if or when it happens.) It is your response to these life events that will determine the longevity of your marriage. The most difficult thing in marriage, I think, is believing positively in your spouse after he/she has made a mistake. Believing for newness in your spouse who’s made a mistake is an act of grace and love: divinity is expressed by it. The effort that is needed to allow for restoration and renewal is the true image of love. Love is for tough times and tough times are made for lovers. Believing that your marriage will outlast the toughest storm will be the difference between divorce and marital length and depth.
Our marriages are the earthly expression of God’s divine relationship between He and His Bride, the Church. This Biblical fact directly lends itself to faith. Believing in our spouse manifests God’s faith in His Church and His Church’s faith in Him. Without this mutual faith there would be: no miracles, no heaven, no promise, no blessing, and no salvation. Our marriages require mutual faith. When you believe in your spouse and he/she believes in you, your marriage will have: the miracle to overcome mistakes, pleasure this side of heaven, a promise of fulfillment and happiness, and a legacy that your children’s children will speak of. The Bible states that all things are possible to them who believe, guess what? if you can believe in each other, then your marriage can make it – happily, daily after.